As It Became Increasingly Clear: Step 127

Growing up we learn a lot about ourselves often long before we learn what names psychologist and sociologists give to whatever condition or phenomenon we have. Physical difficulties never presented a problem for it was easy to label illnesses like polio, measles, mumps, chicken pox, pneumonia, cold or flu. Although when the term influenza started appearing in discussions it took me a long time to realize it was just another way of saying flu, and not some new strain that made one ache but not vomit.

Outside of discovering labels for various behaviors I learned the geography where I was born and raised had a lot to do with the person I became. For example, one pair of labels social-psychologists favor in categorizing our ability to form relationships is introvert and extravert. Had I grown up in an urban center on the east coast any development of extraverted behavior would likely have been stunted, whereas had I grown up on the west coast development of introverted behavior would merely have blended in with the laid back cultural landscape. Being a Midwesterner allowed me to balance the two behaviors so well that today I never know what to put on self-assessment inventories.

As it became increasingly clear my athletic aptitude was marginal and any artistic ability lying beneath the surface lacked the courage, conviction and drive necessary to emerge, one attribute kept appearing before me each day I looked in the metaphoric mirror. Although gregarious might be the label social-psychs might attach, it smacks of certainty, swagger and yes, extravert. My personal analysis had me beyond sociable, but not so far removed that I could not relate to shy individuals. What I saw in myself was an ability to make and sustain friendships.

Being an educator I know the difficulty of moving from the concrete to the abstract. A hallmark of my early years was good guys in white hats, bad guys in black hats. Many friends relinquished their relationship with individuals they saw as wrong. Long before the concept of “let’s agree to disagree,” if an Elvis fan decided he wanted to listen to the Beatles he would need to find new friends with whom to eat lunch.

Now, I’m not saying I didn’t have favorites nor that I was afraid to share my opinions, but for the most part I saw friends as much more valuable than opinions or the need to tell them I was right. In a practical sense it is this attribute that allowed the majority of a group of thirty teenagers to elect me president of Witt AZA. Certainly, M was a popular guy, after all he was my best friend and in my opinion a much more skilled leader, but if the ability to build and maintain friendship and camaraderie are the currency of social groups my coffers were filled at a relatively early age.

My involvement in school organizations was limited to attending one meeting of the drama club, a short time on the football and wrestling teams, and being part of the Latin Club largely by virtue of taking Latin as a class. Whatever social, leadership, and most significantly organizational skills I developed during high school were largely due to my role as president of Witt AZA. Few, if any, of the thirty members of that great group of guys realized how much I relied on M to put together an agenda and make sure meetings ran smoothly and efficiently. However, for me it was an indelible lesson in recognizing and either developing or learning to assign tasks where I was deficient. No doubt, these were good lessons to learn before reaching the “real world.”

Were you involved in any groups outside of high school? Tell us about them in the comment section.